btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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