Cold hands, warm shart.
I think I am morally bankrupt
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
