That's when you crack a 10am beer
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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