9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
