when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
