it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
This is the high leading the old right now
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
