My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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