i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
