it was like his penis was on wheels.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
