Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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