I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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