Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
