I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
