Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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