Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
