I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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