SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
no. you can't hotbox the world.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
