i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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