just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We don't watch enough power rangers
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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