I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
