If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
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