Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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