hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
