i wish starbucks made bloody marys
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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