my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize