Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
