aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
