he looks like a really good dad on facebook
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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