Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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