And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I intend to get homeless drunk
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Randomize