there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
