just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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