why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
