I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Hippo gnu deer
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize