life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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