ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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