you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
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