How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
