Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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