you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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