Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
