She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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