I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize