Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
