dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you would pick up someone in the library
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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