I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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