Betty ford says i'm here all night
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Randomize
