I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
