You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
