cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
