i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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