Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize