Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Someone shit on the floor
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
