I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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