he shaved USA in his pubs
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
