Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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