I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
how do flat chested girls get laid?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
