I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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