oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
