Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
