He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
