This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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