Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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