yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
