did you get engaged???
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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