Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
