All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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