i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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