apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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