i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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