btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She needs sedatives and a leash
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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