i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
