A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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