trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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