Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
