Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
