He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
