last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
