i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I want her autograph on my taint
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
