just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
