How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
