My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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