I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
