I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize