there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
