So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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