Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
