If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
