Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize