I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
