Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
