part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize