I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
