you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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