and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
