Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
