About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
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