I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
