too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
