No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize