matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
