Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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