Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I would fuck him just for his dog
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
