Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
