why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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