Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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