He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
