Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
