The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
